S.O.S

I don't know how to start this, it is so damn hard that I'll have to put all my problems, dreams , life in this article.
i want to write this and not to read it again, not to remember that i ever wrote most of it one day.
i have to write this like the sailor who writes a note a s.o.s , put it in a bottle and throw it in the sea, in the ocean.
and he knows damn well that there are little chances that someone would actually see it, and may be more little chances that someone would actually read it. Yet he do so to feel better, to feel that he didn't have anything else to do. to have something to pray through it , he threw it to pray, to not asking for a big miracle to be rescued, he thinks the note makes it like asking for a small one. to change his prayer from (Please God , rescue me ) to (Please God, someone read the note).
I'm writing this hoping i would get that feeling today, tomorrow..to pray by this. that someone, somewhere, somehow might understands. that someone accidentally was surfing blogs and find this, and he accidentally read it.
I'm writing this at my room , at night when everyone i know is probably
asleep.
I'm only 18 yet i can say that I've been through enough , that life keeps teaching me lessons one after another and i don't have desire to learn, and there is no breaks . and the teachers ( people who are teaching me those lessons) are looking to me like i really had enough breaks . the first teacher comes to give me this serious look , like i slept enough yesterday and it is time for school and gives the hardest lesson ever, the second one gives me this more serious look like i had enough sleeping and playing in the first lesson. and he doesn't know that i had neither slept yesterday nor had i fun in the first lesson.

I'm going with my words, with my feelings to someone who might understand, someone feels the same way like i do.
I'm not giving my words to over-optimistic people, to not ruin them.

I 'm experiencing this feeling now and I don't know anything about myself, about my hopes, just a wish-list which i consider now the only thing that proves my identity.
I don't know what i am born to do , what qualities do i have to get through anything in my life.
Am i really strong?. Do i really hate maths? Am i really passionate towards physics?..
are these questions are really this ease to answer..
they are saying something about middle-age-crisis for men..and the menopause for women.
I'm telling you that at my age there has to be something like this.
I'm not being pessimistic , I'm not complaining over anything.
it is just that I'm feeling that my life isn't on the right track yet. that i didn't achieve much yet.
Will i be looking to this 5 years from now , writing myself a comment that I've done enough and I'm ready to speak about it. that would be number 17 on my wish-list!.

Days of our lives

I

This show .
I Have been watching this show since I was in 4th grade , most  people around me are saying that it is such a boring one, yet I don't give a clear answer,
Maybe cause I don't care what they think of the show , or me for watching the show , or me for not answering their comments about the show.
the show's really boring moments are absolutely
objective and meaningful, at least for me.
it shows the relation between different couples and how they face anything stays in their way. what fascinates me is that it gave me many thoughts like: out there there is different kinds of love , different kinds of passion,different ways, and there isn't anything called typical love , but the common thing is that '' if you really love each other , you will find the way''..
it shows typical moments between couples , like when they are having a normal conservation , but their glances , their way of talk'n is what makes things different.
There are people who meant to be together , don't try to be in their way, don't try to love someone of this couple, just wish them LUCK..
and don't be sad because you will find someone who you meant to be with. Don't waste time and go find this one.
My fav. one is Chelsea '' the angry angel'' . I like the actress but that is not the reason for loving her.
It is so me , and I'm not exactly proud of that. but yea I can say tons of stuff I don't mean , I keep pushing people away always thinking that they will always come back.
I'm not exactly Abby '' the cookie girl'' ,I don't hate her but not all girls are happy making cookies or lecturing others. Chelsea isn't mean ,well actually she is , but she just need someone to understand. and anything else will be that ease, she promises..