Tonight

Tonight I am speechless.Tonight I don't seem to be so lucky with the chosen words.Tonight I have nothing in mind but plenty of complicated feelings in heart, Yesterday I was so sure of stuff, Tonight I am not, I am more like opposing what I used to approve.
Tonight I am finally finally letting myself break down, into million pieces, to finally have the chance to re-arrange them.
Tonight I will let my feelings guide me without forcing myself to plan all mind's victory, Tonight I will hold up my phone and call whatever person I want to hear her\his voice, without pre-thinking of the consequences, and Maybe tonight I will stray so far away from the sidewalk, the safe road.
Only tonight I will do that.

What happened?

I look back to the fragile person I was those days, how sentimental!
-Hurtful words used to get me down, a staring glance was very much enough to disturb my whole day, I was more than careful over-watching my mouth to not hurt anyone however he acted or reacted. I felt awkward for the tiniest reasons, I was not that girl who can confidently enter the class 5 min. late and just deal with glances, my calmness was given as a clear example, so as my politeness. I look to this girl now and wonder what happened?

 I look to myself now,noticing every movement but not letting my concentration upon them neither change nor delay them. I loudly sing in the middle of anywhere without any sign of boredom or embarrassment, I now can enter my lecture in the very last 5 min. looking straight to people faces with this look on my face that is actually your fault for being here all the time, not mine for being out, I have a life people! 3o2balkom :P haha!

I now am An example of a person suffering a hyper-activity condition! and my mouth just don't stop talking, GOD! whether I'm talking to my outer-myself Or my inner-myself or the middle! there has to be someone, Or something :P what dah hell happened?
I wonder!

Your choice!

-There is nothing left to be destroyed, everything's own shame is clearly obvious to eyes nowdays, you are not rewarded for seeing the clearly obvious, you are not rewarded for seeing what anyone can normally see,but you are appreciated if you can shut your ears in the middle of horrible noise and still can hear music, you are appreciated if you actually have the ability to bring your own weather with you everywhere you go, 
-Destruction, distorting, vandalism, are not going to shut the war within you, they don't shut anyone's war, but beauty....beauty can at least provoke the hidden peace you never felt.

Unfair 2

-It is unfair that getting sick of chaotic feelings within you is actually a feeling!

-That if a certain unwanted idea occupied you, the more effort you make to erase it, the harder it becomes for it to be vanished, that the magnitude of effort suddenly becomes the magnitude of the idea to

stick!

-That people don't get to know that they were in our dreams, neither do we HuDa