Random irrational must written things

-And I am lost, trying to explain the feeling of the very last un-cooked pop corn in oil, surrounded by cooked ones, 1/10 sec. before it pops!,because I believe that describing that will announce me as an artistic writer!

-And I was convinced that people who love me are the only ones who didn't know her, Sad truth, I loved her, but I wished she just disappear.

To me Novels are not just novels.

She was yelling at me for taking the novel more serious than a sane person should, it is just a novel for God sake, she said. True,I take novels seriously , more serious than most ppl I know, and this is something most ppl I know will never understand.

Art

I have always been intrigued by the untold, the unseen, whether it is behind the scene, Or not even behind the scene. I am somehow captured by the after-state, the after-state of a singer who sings a really heart-breaking song, when all people emotionally move on after listening to it. How he feels after the song?. Like I read before a closed-box has its glorification, as long as it is closed , anything can be in, a mummy, a map to lost-treasure, secret information of how to split down the world in ten days, money, books , weapon, spider webs, Or nothing at all. That is how I see UN-told, I practically hear the untold say so much without actually telling that. That is how the vagueness is more clear to me than the clearly obvious stuff that every other person wants us to see. I actually observed lately that I barely look to the main actor/actress in a commercial. I search for completely other things, sometimes I miss the aim of the whole commercial by doing this. Some people May call it distraction even dumbness, but I agree to call it an art. The art of seeing/hearing/smelling the UN Or barely exist. So can you please just not talk?, If you talk loudly that is actually interact negatively with how clear I hear you.

Different

I can't keep going like this, I can't keep going with this feeling that something will end somehow at some point. I can't keep going with the concept that nothing lasts forever,, true concept, this is life , nothing lasts, but at least we don't have to be kept on the alarm 24\7, I can't deal with everything knowing that I shall forget at some point, it is useless,  this indifference , this 100% complete indifference is just useless, I need to torture , I need that, to keep in mind that losing people is not that easy, I need to understand that at some point all the scars will arise....... together.... in pain!
Nothing lasts, that is true. But we don't have to end them so soon .
Nothing lasts, that is true, But why don't we procrastinate for longer time.
Nothing lasts, that is true, But why don't we at least let ourselves break down when it happens.
This post is just not about strength, not about me telling you how happy u will be by moving on, those posts are really alot that we forgot how to be sad. why don't we suffer? I mean seriously! why do we think that forgetting , denying is always for the best, Maybe it is for the best, so why do we have to go through the best? who put these rules anyway?. this post is for arising ur weakness, YES! I wrote it correctly, for weakness,  and u know what? I am sick of being strong, I'm sick of not going down, of not whipping.
Maybe that is what I need,
some weakness This post is just different!  

Tonight

Tonight I am speechless.Tonight I don't seem to be so lucky with the chosen words.Tonight I have nothing in mind but plenty of complicated feelings in heart, Yesterday I was so sure of stuff, Tonight I am not, I am more like opposing what I used to approve.
Tonight I am finally finally letting myself break down, into million pieces, to finally have the chance to re-arrange them.
Tonight I will let my feelings guide me without forcing myself to plan all mind's victory, Tonight I will hold up my phone and call whatever person I want to hear her\his voice, without pre-thinking of the consequences, and Maybe tonight I will stray so far away from the sidewalk, the safe road.
Only tonight I will do that.

Your choice!

-There is nothing left to be destroyed, everything's own shame is clearly obvious to eyes nowdays, you are not rewarded for seeing the clearly obvious, you are not rewarded for seeing what anyone can normally see,but you are appreciated if you can shut your ears in the middle of horrible noise and still can hear music, you are appreciated if you actually have the ability to bring your own weather with you everywhere you go, 
-Destruction, distorting, vandalism, are not going to shut the war within you, they don't shut anyone's war, but beauty....beauty can at least provoke the hidden peace you never felt.

Unfair 2

-It is unfair that getting sick of chaotic feelings within you is actually a feeling!

-That if a certain unwanted idea occupied you, the more effort you make to erase it, the harder it becomes for it to be vanished, that the magnitude of effort suddenly becomes the magnitude of the idea to

stick!

-That people don't get to know that they were in our dreams, neither do we HuDa

Untitled

-When I looked him in the eyes, I saw grief, it was deep, it had roots straight to the heart that I started to wonder. Is it something to see?! and for how long it was there?,,,Then I myself replied  Couldn't you differentiate between castles and huts?! Poor him!

-I remember that feeling ,such a confusing one ,Just like falling in love, it is sweet at first, then you start to wonder if you can stop, if you can stop making your other half your whole life. forget about the damn trust thing, I never reached that level of love, maybe it is not even there, and ppl keep acting they reached it because they heard about it, and the first who said that was just a liar, he made the whole feeling up.

Two layers me!

I'm inside myself. Have you ever had this idea that u are not one layer-person?, that beside the smooth seen-layer, there is another inner thick unseen one, larger, more complicated, not as ease?!
I'm two layers, it is not a mask of hypocrisy, both layers don't involve people issue, they always have the same exact opinions on people, if one of them thought how rude you are, the second can't defend you, it can't disagree, it can't even give you a chance, But they are not the same, at least when it comes to emotions and feelings.
here you are the differences!
-You can get to touch, scratch the thick one, without any penetration to the first.
-In matter how powerful the feelings you give me,it can just stop by the first layer, not even getting close to the second.
-Just because you scratched both of them, that doesn't mean you matter to me this much. Believe me nothing is utter,at least when it comes to feelings!

For clarification
You can tell this joke, then you look to my face, to see a blank,emotionless face, while the second layer is rolling on floor laughing, Vice versa too (but that is rarely)
You can say something between words and I can't look more careless. while the second one is angry,So happy, DYING!

Why I am writing this?! I just want ppl to say whatever they wanna say,without any expectations, I wanna them to act whatever suit them. without caring how will I think? or what is going to happen to me after this word, this fight, because they won't have the chance to know anyway!
I'm inside myself!

Words

scattered Bare words are flowing in my head, spinning is the word, and I shall extract beauty out of them, inject them with my expereince so as to represent me, putting them together in my own way, to fit my fears, my hopes, and my opinions.