Night wishes

I barely listen to myself when I am submerged in the phase of giving advice to someone, I always ask them to have faith in God, and his choices, I even believe that I have faith in God through their problems more than I do in my own problems, not that I don't , cause I do , but I am talking relatively. I wonder why, I wonder how is it even possible,sometimes I wish someone reflected back faith I radiate, to give me back my faith when I need it.
I wish I had the kind of faith that don't fade away when dozens of my prayers don't seem to work at their time.
I wish I had the patience that allows me to work on my spiritual life for God to give me patience I need to resolve all my issues.

Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment has become a very main stream topic these days. So as I was thinking what to write regarding that critical issue, I had so many mixed feelings.

Disgust, is what I felt when I remember someone’s attempt to throw flattering comments about my looks

Rage, is what I feel towards any –so called man- who has ever participated in planting an idea inside a woman’s head, that if she wants to survive in the outside world she has to watch out for everybody’s hands.
Being a “Female” in Egypt, getting ready in the morning is a struggle. Because you don’t choose what you wear based upon your personal taste, your traditions or even the weather outside. You choose the outfit that will get you less comments and less harassment. And if you’re one of the unlucky majority of our population that isn't luxurious enough to have a car, then welcome to the Jungle! Where any tiny sudden movement –whether it is justified or not - is enough to start a conflict within yourself and raise tons of questions. Did he mean that?! , he looks decent. , do they all look vulgar? Maybe not. Has anyone noticed? Am I being unfair? Maybe it is me all long. Maybe not. I can’t just yell at him, or maybe I can, I even can hit him with the nearest thing. Do I have the ability to deal with everyone’s judgmental eyes after that? , Okay, Maybe the only thing they will be concerning about is whether I am judging them for not interfering. If I speak up, If I take this matter further, will I be victimized? Criminalized? Or even worse, treated with such indifference? Why did he do that? Is he thinking that it’s his right to say his opinion about my body parts?! Even if he’s flirting? Does he think that girls like this?  No, he still doesn't have the right to do so!  Whether you can relate to any or all of these questions, YOU NEED TO STOP! SERIOUSLY! STOP BEING SUBMISSIVE AND WEAK! It is not you, you are not sending signals that can be misunderstood. You have to stop criminalizing yourself for people to stop treating you as a criminal. You need to know something about your society, your society blames whoever’s potentially easier to blame. There is no fair trial, not even close. So why are you feeling guilty when the harasser doesn't seem to be? Why does it have to be you who looks down in shame? Why do you let these movements conquer your day, induce hatred and even aggravate your insecurities when the harasser is probably going to enjoy the rest of his day? They don’t seem to stop anytime soon, so you have to change the way you deal with them. You have to stop over thinking about every meaningless gestures you make and whether or not that justifies their actions. You need to quit trying so hard to insert logic in some hopeless twisted actions. If your clothes, the way you walk, the way you talk provoked a conflict within the harasser then it was probably there all along, you can't provoke what doesn't exist, And Darling, don’t you ever feel weak, these predators can smell weakness form miles away. And remember, you’re not alone in this. Speak up, and you’ll find help.

A View

I want to write something beautiful ,
-Something that makes the believer believe even more, the optimistic  adopt a new optimism path, and the dreamer renew all of his dreams.
-a description that is too damn good that makes the writer rewrite his novels, and watch the utter printed words.
-I am gonna put two unrelated words together in a way that is totally fitting, the kind of fitting that makes it almost impossible for you to re-separate them.
-I am gonna hold the *right required word* to the end ,, I am not going to reveal its identity, though I shall refer to it, I might describe its color and smell, I even might utter how it feels to hold it to the end.
-I am gonna read between ur lines and write between my replies ,, I am gonna let my betweens reply ur betweens,, and let my comments reply ur lines. it is gonna be that simple for you and me but complicated for who knows how many.
-I am gonna listen to whatever any word has to say , words don't just speak their meanings, But more, much more.
-I am gonna say what I don't mean and write what I don't believe in , and wait just wait for you to reply my actual meanings and beliefs.
-I am gonna use bare words roaming my mind all night long, and trying to direct them down on paper to give a sentence that almost anyone can relate to.
-I am gonna re-feel all my feelings and imagine all my imaginations and see how far I can go with all senses I have.

She

She could barely recognize her soul among all the scratches,and holes. she felt lonely, the kind of loneliness that no matter what she read, whatever songs she listened to, it never really fades away.she failed to live a normal peacful life with her abnormal violated heart, of course she was persuaded that the only way her heart would stop aching so bad, is to hold it between her hands, but her hands being so tiny, it was practically impossible to hold such an enlarged perforated organ.

all along people have told her that she had such a transparent soul that others could see right through it with no apparent effort, she started to question the healthy thickness level of one's soul, have her soul being so delicate made her any good in her miserable life?,,doesn't a soul being so delicate mean that it is more likely to be drilled over and over?.. she reached out that only rough coarse thick-souled people survived in their life duration, a transparent soul is not really a good defense mechanism in this world anymore ,was it because she trusted people  that the disappointments literally consumed her? Or was is due to the lack of love threads that were webbed around her, that prevent anyone to fall apart.Or maybe just maybe both roughness and selfishness of people have turned her soul in to restless reckless one, Or maybe questioning the reason that led her heart be worn out  was the main reason it ended up that way, would you just please leave her alone?

she started to think of all of that the moment she woke up and decided to go out of bed. does she really want to go out of bed today? 

Pathetic humanistic ideas..

-Imagine an emotional person who can't deal with most of known emotions, which frequently leads him bursting new unknown emotions, that he just can't handle.

All along I thought that I was emotionally intelligent, I can control how I feel whatever it was, I don't let myself being drifted by love, hate, affection, or even indifference.

I only let myself feel whatever I want to feel, people couldn't hurt me, unless I allowed them to, and I was happy, of course things didn't always go my way, and there were some stupid people whom I couldn't control my love towards, and more stupid people towards whom I couldn't control my hate, there were exceptions which I hated the most, I mean seriously the most thing I do hate more than the rule itself is its exception like it is not hard enough to reach out a rule!! Back to my point there were few exceptions that distracted me, eventually led me to write this.

Lately, things changed, they always do, don't they?! , lately I have been thinking that nothing is ultimate and it is so dramatically un wise to generalize human feelings the way I used to do, it is not that easy to set a rule, set its exception without actually being distracted and confused that the exception can turn out to be the rule, and rule turns out to be just another exception, the more mature I become the less clear things turn out to be, one single notion is never a one single notion to me, it drifts more thoughts than I will ever care to count, so for all my exceptions, for every single one whom I loved when the most reasonable thing to do was hating him, but still I kept loving him indeed, for every single person whom I was supposed to give up on him when all I did was giving in.

and For all people who did everything they could to make me love them, and no matter how hard they tried ,no matter how hard I tried,  I just didn't love them the way they wanted, the way they deserved.

You are the only proof that no matter how hard I tried to un-humanize myself , I turned out to be a human being after all, which is so disappointing , you know :P…

P.S :  What I just wrote suffers a severe mind-diversity, and you probably didn't finish it, which makes it more likely that you are not reading this pardo,, anyway Sorry, I will probably be killed by over-thinking Just saying!

Romance *Sigh*

This will sound crazy, even for me, so who is barely accused to be sane
Stay Safe, Don't read this!

When I first met you, -well actually if I can
consider the fact of ur profile-poping
out  of absolutely nowhere equals meeting you- things became much
clearer, incidents passed much slower through me, Maybe Nothing
changed, maybe it is me, Maybe it has always been me.
I stopped worrying about things, I stopped complaing too, and seriously
if you know the paranoid-side of me, you will get that THIS
IS A HUGE THING!
like it is enough for me that u are on the same planet, maybe now
I am breathing the same air you exhaled months ago, Maybe we met
some common people who led us to gain common experiences.
Maybe one day we read the same online things , that made us think
in the very same way, Maybe someday our playlist was more likely
to be the same than any other two, Or maybe we gained the same weight
in the very same week , then complained about this the same amount.
It doesn't actually matter which one of those happened, maybe
they all did, Maybe more, maybe nothing at all.
But in the weirdest way , in the very weirdest way actually I can assure
you that I have never ever sensed this feeling of belong with anyone else.
someone asked Can a hug be a home?,, and I am asking you
can a profile just a profile be a home this much?!,, Both not-literally and literally (as ur profile is actually my homepage which is totally pathetic, I mean dude it is
a total pathetic thing to do) *Sigh* I am so pathetic.

Random irrational must written things

-And I am lost, trying to explain the feeling of the very last un-cooked pop corn in oil, surrounded by cooked ones, 1/10 sec. before it pops!,because I believe that describing that will announce me as an artistic writer!

-And I was convinced that people who love me are the only ones who didn't know her, Sad truth, I loved her, but I wished she just disappear.