a whole new level of my maddness

People break down, but strong people break down strongly, out of all my miserable experiences, I somehow reached the mechanism of corruption, the art of breaking down so miserably hard. It is both funny and pathetic to notice how this mecahnism works , how it can be applied on people, on countries, on empires, the same exact mechanism with a so little deviation ,and it is somehow worth-mentioning that knowing how exactly you will break down, may delay ur corruption, it may give you the chance to put ur pieces together, but it won’t help when you actually break down first rule of corruption: -unless you are an angel, a messenger, you will eventually break down. Second rule of corruption: you will break down the same way ur absoulte adjective tells you to. -Strong people break down strongly. -weak people break down weakily. -great empires break down greatly -tyrant unfair man will actually break down unfairly. which is so fair, third rule of corruption: you will break down for the sake of money, power, beauty, or simply for nothing. fourth rule of corruption: people who break down for the sake of nothing will actually feel nothing during breaking down. and that is so painful! -fifth rule of corruption: people break down independantly , in different ways , and they stand up depending on each other, in different ways. -sixth rule of corruption: it is healty for you to break down compelelty , before starting to stand up. than a semi-break down. So hold ur breath, pick up ur adjective , and wait for ur corruption,

Different

I can't keep going like this, I can't keep going with this feeling that something will end somehow at some point. I can't keep going with the concept that nothing lasts forever,, true concept, this is life , nothing lasts, but at least we don't have to be kept on the alarm 24\7, I can't deal with everything knowing that I shall forget at some point, it is useless,  this indifference , this 100% complete indifference is just useless, I need to torture , I need that, to keep in mind that losing people is not that easy, I need to understand that at some point all the scars will arise....... together.... in pain!
Nothing lasts, that is true. But we don't have to end them so soon .
Nothing lasts, that is true, But why don't we procrastinate for longer time.
Nothing lasts, that is true, But why don't we at least let ourselves break down when it happens.
This post is just not about strength, not about me telling you how happy u will be by moving on, those posts are really alot that we forgot how to be sad. why don't we suffer? I mean seriously! why do we think that forgetting , denying is always for the best, Maybe it is for the best, so why do we have to go through the best? who put these rules anyway?. this post is for arising ur weakness, YES! I wrote it correctly, for weakness,  and u know what? I am sick of being strong, I'm sick of not going down, of not whipping.
Maybe that is what I need,
some weakness This post is just different!  

BEES!

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.

Memorizing

Today is my 19-birthday! YAAAY! ^_^ 
I'm blessed, I'm Happy!
Maybe Yesterday I didn't notice that, Maybe Tomorrow I will forget all about it!
So I will take this exact moment , to memorize this exact feeling. Today! Today I admit it!
It is true that  till this moment I can't clearly heart-fully answer simple questions about my existence   who am I?, Or what do I offer?
I'm 19 now, and I have this loud voice inside pushing me to search for answers. .....Do I have what it takes to get my answers?  ,,,Are they even there?... In me? ....Deep Down?...
I don't know! and that used to freak me down, all day-long, all week duration . But at this moment , I am happy. so I wanted the whole world to just know it! Enough! I will Shut up now and Enjoy this moment!

Tonight

Tonight I am speechless.Tonight I don't seem to be so lucky with the chosen words.Tonight I have nothing in mind but plenty of complicated feelings in heart, Yesterday I was so sure of stuff, Tonight I am not, I am more like opposing what I used to approve.
Tonight I am finally finally letting myself break down, into million pieces, to finally have the chance to re-arrange them.
Tonight I will let my feelings guide me without forcing myself to plan all mind's victory, Tonight I will hold up my phone and call whatever person I want to hear her\his voice, without pre-thinking of the consequences, and Maybe tonight I will stray so far away from the sidewalk, the safe road.
Only tonight I will do that.

What happened?

I look back to the fragile person I was those days, how sentimental!
-Hurtful words used to get me down, a staring glance was very much enough to disturb my whole day, I was more than careful over-watching my mouth to not hurt anyone however he acted or reacted. I felt awkward for the tiniest reasons, I was not that girl who can confidently enter the class 5 min. late and just deal with glances, my calmness was given as a clear example, so as my politeness. I look to this girl now and wonder what happened?

 I look to myself now,noticing every movement but not letting my concentration upon them neither change nor delay them. I loudly sing in the middle of anywhere without any sign of boredom or embarrassment, I now can enter my lecture in the very last 5 min. looking straight to people faces with this look on my face that is actually your fault for being here all the time, not mine for being out, I have a life people! 3o2balkom :P haha!

I now am An example of a person suffering a hyper-activity condition! and my mouth just don't stop talking, GOD! whether I'm talking to my outer-myself Or my inner-myself or the middle! there has to be someone, Or something :P what dah hell happened?
I wonder!

Your choice!

-There is nothing left to be destroyed, everything's own shame is clearly obvious to eyes nowdays, you are not rewarded for seeing the clearly obvious, you are not rewarded for seeing what anyone can normally see,but you are appreciated if you can shut your ears in the middle of horrible noise and still can hear music, you are appreciated if you actually have the ability to bring your own weather with you everywhere you go, 
-Destruction, distorting, vandalism, are not going to shut the war within you, they don't shut anyone's war, but beauty....beauty can at least provoke the hidden peace you never felt.